Today

Today, I did something that scared the crap out of me.

One of the things that scares me the most - right up there with heights and enclosed spaces - is making an ass of myself in public.

At least, as myself. I have no problem being on stage and potentially making an ass of myself ... in character.

But as me? Uh-uh. It's horrifying.

So, today I did something that either was very cool or caused me to make an ass of myself. If I made an ass of myself, I will not speak of this again. If I didn't, I'll post more later.

Post-Christmas

I don't even know where to start. I woke up at about 3:30am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I'm exhausted. I feel like crap, physically and emotionally. My appetite is gone all to hell in a handbasket. And I've got so much on my mind that it's going to be an effort to try and not ramble here.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be born into a "normal" family. A family where people actually like each other and WANT to be together.

I'm sure many people think that. If not most.

And in terms of dysfunction ... I don't have it so bad. And I know that.

But I am SO disconnected. From my entire family. I don't want to be, necessarily, but I am. Always have been. I spent my entire life connected to my family - close or distant - through my mother. Being with my mother. Having my mother put me on the phone with them. Hearing updates on their lives through my mother.

And that was fine. I didn't feel like I was missing anything. My friends have always been my "family".

Once I lost my mother, my closest connection to the family is now my father. In fact, he is my ONLY real family connection.

Did I mention that my main connection to my father was through my mother as well? Even though they were happily married and I grew up in a house with both of them?

So we tried very late in life to start a real relationship. Neither of us has done a bang-up job. We both tried very, very hard in the months after my mother died, but since then ... not so much.

Don't get me wrong: my mother and I didn't have an easy relationship. But fight as we did, we at least said what was on our minds.

I can't with him. You can't have a discussion or an argument with my father, because you will never win. You will never agree to disagree. He's right, and not only are you wrong, you're a moron.

And those are just some of the issues.

Is it possible to be nursing an emotional hangover?

Ever have one of those days?

Sort of a "perfect storm" of things going wrong?

To be fair, I have hardly had a spectacular week, but yesterday was ... priceless.

It began with waking up, groggily (been up at the theater too late the night before), becoming aware it was raining. Raining. Oooooh, crap. See, my school holds an outdoor fundraiser every year. Very popular. Fun for the kids. Never been rained out in the history of the school. And it was pouring.


Get to work and discover they in fact, have not cancelled; the kids are out in the rain (which let's face it, the kids are loving.) OK, great. All I know is I've gone to said fundraiser every year I've worked there; this is the first year I felt like I'd been there, done that, and I had too much work to barrel through to take a few hours away. And frankly, I was a little relieved that if I was going to miss one, I'm glad I'd picked this one! Thinking for a moment that the fates were on my side ...

... I quickly discovered otherwise. I won't bore you with the work-related things that went wrong. Suffice it to say that my co-worker and I were taking turns walking into each others' office and starting with: "Just shoot me." Unexpected screwups and unanticipated volume of new projects made my day all about running around, troubleshooting, and somehow, trying to get my normal Friday work done.


Now, while all of this chaos was unfolding around me, I was content in the knowledge that while we'd had to push the TWIST opening back from that night (Friday) to the next (Saturday), all was now well in the world. The designer pulled an all-nighter to get all the finishing work and painting done, and set up the projector, and we'd have a crazy but great tech that night.

Until I got this email. Forwarded from the PM who'd received it from the designer. Apparently, the message said, the projector simply didn't work as advertised. They'd tried everything, it said, but they couldn't make it work. Maybe we could with a better projector; maybe we just needed to scrap the idea. Sorry.

Blink. Blink.

What???



And oh, it gets better. As people started arriving at the theatre to help finish up, they found that not only was the projector gone, but he'd taken the screen too. (So even if we found another projector in 24 hours ...) And (better and better), he'd taken away every set piece he'd offered to loan us.

Now, we're supposed to open in a day and we have no backdrop, unfinished flats, and missing set pieces. Fan-freaking-tastic!

I'm now - in between the chaos at work - on the phone with Patty, with Dick, with Paul, all trying to find solutions ... besides the obvious, being: We will open next Thursday instead. (As the business manager, this hurts my very soul.)

My wonderful wonderful boss kept telling me to just go and take care of the theater; while I appreciated that, I kept pointing to the giant pile of work that had to be done today ...

In 20 years of theatre, I have never seen a professional just walk away the day before opening. Without explanation.

But we have a wonderful cast and crew, and company as a whole. People are coming out to help build today, and paint tomorrow. And the show is seriously going to rock.



So come on out and support us. Starting next Thursday. I promise you'll laugh. A lot. And you'll know what went on during the tech week from hell. And you'll nod, knowingly. And you'll be so impressed at how we bounced back! :)

All things being equal, though, I could definitely do WITHOUT a day like yesterday again any time soon.