Finding My Voice

Exactly what it says. The girl who has proclaimed "I can't write!" on a weekly basis is ... well ... writing.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Limbo

For as long as I can remember, I've been a planner.

Not necessarily the list-making kind. But in my head - always planning. Next steps. And then next. And next. My mind is always several steps ahead of wherever I actually am at any given moment.

And for as long as I can remember, whenever I've gotten hit with anything (good, bad or downright tragic) that interferes with the plan ... after taking a day or two (max three days) to wallow, I create a new plan.

I'm really flexible that way.

But it helps. I need the structure. I need to know the next steps.

I hate not knowing.

Since my father died, my entire life has been in limbo. Just the coping part has been rough enough, but there is literally so much unfinished business that I've been feeling completely at sea for months on end.

I've never been without a plan for more than a few days. Five months is making me a little ... crazy.

And yesterday, when I found out that this has dragged on for five months for no other reason than the fact that the person I hired to tie up the loose ends just essentially forgot about me as a client? I had a complete meltdown.

I don't know about you (the handful who read), but sometimes a good meltdown can be not just cathartic but a little clarifying. So I do feel a little better today.

But I'll feel a HELL of a lot better when I get that piece of paper that ties up all the loose ends and we're free to make some Life Decisions.

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