How Women End Up With Eating Disorders
Or at least seriously warped views of their body image.
As I've posted before, I've been losing weight. I'm about mid-way through my planned weight loss. And I'm a former size 2/4 who, between age, grief, and complacency, ultimately gained 20 pounds and found myself in formerly incomprehensible sizes.
But I'm halfway to being "myself" again.
And I'm pretty happy with how far I've gotten.
So. I'm doing a show as a favor. And I bring in the only appropriate dress I have for a costume, and even thought to myself "hey, I can finally wear this dress again." It'll look better in another 10 lbs lost, but it's fine now.
I will not post the director's exact words to me, but suffice it to say the gist of it was "That dress is too tight, you look bad."
Stunned castmates said "wow, and I was about to tell you that I like that dress on you!"
I bring out another dress. A dress I bought out of necessity, at my heaviest. It's actually getting a bit too big now, though it's still a nice dress. So what do I get told? The same thing.
Director can't begin to figure out why I'm upset. Says she's just trying to make me look good on stage. Brings me another dress, a size TOO BIG for me ... and proclaims that I look beautiful.
What is the lesson here? That I'm bigger than I think I am, that I clearly have no clue as to how I really look to the world at large, and oh yeah, that it's MUCH better to hide under big clothing than to let myself be seen ... at least until I'm a size 4 again.
The next day I realized ... that after that incident, I had hardly eaten. It wasn't intentional; I didn't deliberately think "I need to lose more weight! I'm fat!" But I'm sure somewhere in my subconscious mind, the two things were connected.
I seriously understand how women end up with distorted body images.
As I've posted before, I've been losing weight. I'm about mid-way through my planned weight loss. And I'm a former size 2/4 who, between age, grief, and complacency, ultimately gained 20 pounds and found myself in formerly incomprehensible sizes.
But I'm halfway to being "myself" again.
And I'm pretty happy with how far I've gotten.
So. I'm doing a show as a favor. And I bring in the only appropriate dress I have for a costume, and even thought to myself "hey, I can finally wear this dress again." It'll look better in another 10 lbs lost, but it's fine now.
I will not post the director's exact words to me, but suffice it to say the gist of it was "That dress is too tight, you look bad."
Stunned castmates said "wow, and I was about to tell you that I like that dress on you!"
I bring out another dress. A dress I bought out of necessity, at my heaviest. It's actually getting a bit too big now, though it's still a nice dress. So what do I get told? The same thing.
Director can't begin to figure out why I'm upset. Says she's just trying to make me look good on stage. Brings me another dress, a size TOO BIG for me ... and proclaims that I look beautiful.
What is the lesson here? That I'm bigger than I think I am, that I clearly have no clue as to how I really look to the world at large, and oh yeah, that it's MUCH better to hide under big clothing than to let myself be seen ... at least until I'm a size 4 again.
The next day I realized ... that after that incident, I had hardly eaten. It wasn't intentional; I didn't deliberately think "I need to lose more weight! I'm fat!" But I'm sure somewhere in my subconscious mind, the two things were connected.
I seriously understand how women end up with distorted body images.
posted by Tracy @ 6:47 PM
4 Comments:
At 8:05 PM,
Amy The Writer said…
I thought the lesson was the director is a jackass. But that's just me :)
P.S. You always look beautious to me!
At 6:08 PM,
~d said…
I dig. I wish I didnt, but I do. Congrats on the half way mark! You must think on that-not the dress that the AH director said was too tight. Arrggh
At 11:34 PM,
Midlife Virgin said…
Some directors just don't know what they want and they'll keep criticizing you until they force what they think they want on you. I'm sure it had nothing to do with you, but just an insecure director who doesn't know what they're doing. You are always gorgeous, don't let a dress size strangle - or starve - you.
At 1:10 PM,
Elle*Bee said…
I feel your pain! I've been on the receiving end of similar 'constructive' (not!) criticism. Perhaps the lesson is that YOU are just fine, and that the director suffers from an unfortunate distortion of reality. Not able to recognize that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes? How sad for her.
Post a Comment
<< Home