End of 2005.

Repost from MySpace, 1/4/06.

So. I'm looking at the end of 2005.
It must be important. It got me to blog for the first time.

I am so desperately ready for 2006. Which is sad, really, as 2005 has been amazing. When I say how much the year has sucked, people always look at me kind of cock-eyed, as if to say "you DO remember you got married this year, right?"

Yes, I remember. And it was wonderful. The wedding, the honeymoon to London. Being so radiantly happy. With the husband, with the marriage, I promise you - I still very much am.

But there's been so much else.

Hurricane Katrina affected my life so profoundly that I can barely explain it. Because, of course, it didn't happen to me. And my father is safe and sound with ultimately nothing more than annoyance. And again, when I state that it's turned my life upside down to the point of interfering with my life ... I get that cock-eyed look of skepticism.

Part of it is a sadness I can't shake.

Part of it is the constant *trying* to make things better for those I love who were so deeply affected. And the frustration, because I can't. I can send money and gifts and love ... but I can't fix it.

And part of it is, since I can't fix that, trying to fix something else. Anything else. Throwing myself headfirst into work, into Ark, into dieting, into clogging ... anything that will make me feel, somehow, useful.

In 2006, I have to learn to let go of this ... guilt and sadness ... and start living again.

Happy New Year, y'all.